the (mis)adventures of jenna

a memoir in eleventy billion parts

“Pet Stains” September 2, 2010

Filed under: blog posts — jennawoestman @ 14:32
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This morning, Joey met with the contractor who is planning to refinish the wood floors which encompass our entire house, except for the two bathrooms which are, or will soon be, ceramic tile.

I can handle wood floors and ceramic tile.  Yes, yes, I can.

We had a budget for the wood floor refinishing, and Joey and I were both pleased that the quote came in substantially under what we had budgeted (YAAAAY) despite the fact that the whole shabang needs to be re-stained a darker color because of some major nail/rust/tanic acid staining from when the wood floors were covered with carpet.  These lovely stains are nearly black and run along all the baseboards where they had nailed the carpet junk into the floor. Or something.

The point is, the nail stains look bad and that’s why we have to get the floors refinished in the first place.

When the contractor was looking at the floors this morning, he noticed several dark spots in the middle of the great room floor, rather by the entrance to the second bathroom and the baby’s room.  We’d noticed those spots before too, and we assumed it was a traffic pattern.  Even though that wasn’t a super high-traffic area, it just seemed to make sense.

“Ah, pet stains,” the contractor said.

And in contractor speak, “pet stains” is tactful language for SOME STUPID DOG PEED ON THE CARPET YEARS AGO.  Lots of times.  Lots and lots of times.  Because the aforementioned fluid soaked through the carpet pad, marinated there for awhile, and subsequently stained the wood floor a nice, dark shade.

“I’ll be able to get most of that out,” said the contractor.  ”But not all of it.  You probably won’t notice it so much.”

Um, heck yes I will now that I know what it is.

Joey was relating this to me as I stood in his office, 50% covered in sanding dust and paint residue from my failed attempt at working more on the kitchen cabinets today.

And when he told me those large, discolored spots in the middle of the floor were old dog pee?  I gasped.  Like, super loud.  And I bellowed, “NO. No, no, no, no, no.”

See, that’s why I hate carpet.  First of all, dogs shouldn’t be having accidents in the house and second of all, these people must have thought they “cleaned it up” (I hope) bit in reality the germs were all still down in that evil carpet pad, destroying whatever was underneath it and radiating their germiness back up onto the carpet.  And these stains are really large, so it’s not like this was a one-time occurrence.  I know the people before us had a cat, not a dog, so it has been there for over 11 years.

I’ll feel much better about our little girl crawling around on ancient dog pee stains once I know they have been sanded within an inch of its life.  I’ll probably mop that area daily for at least a week, too.

So yeah, we have “pet stains” on our floor.  They’ll be there until September 1oth or 11th or 13th…I really forget which date Joey told me they were coming.  But it’s going to take them two days to get it done, and when it’s done, it will be beautiful.  I am sure of it.

I’ma take a Before and After picture of the “pet stains” just to see how much better it will look.

 

Character Counts September 2, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 05:45
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I remember a bunch of years ago when I worked for a school district, we had these Character Counts signs EVERYWHERE.  Maybe they still do.  The pictures on them were really annoying, and I thought the whole program was kind of cheesy and lame, but I still had to look at them all the time.  Anyway, not related at all to what I was going to say.

Character.

Name with character.

I woke up this morning and checked the poll results, and I was quite surprised.  QUITE.  Sister and I discussed yesterday (in between taking cabinet-sanding breaks) which name would have the least character.  ”Wren,” she had said, and wrinkled up her nose.

Guess which name came in as the #1 Most Character-y name?!

WREN.

(Sister, you were way off I guess.)

Actually they were all four pretty close, which I thought was surprising.  But anyway, here’s the percentages.  (I wish I could get PollDaddy to export the pie chart for me to a format I could just import here, but so far I haven’t figured it out.)

  1. Wren – 28.72%
  2. Zerubabella – 26.6%
  3. Piper – 23.4%
  4. Helena – 21.28%

So, Helena clearly has the least amount of character.  And it is now DELETED.  I am pleased to see how well Zerubabella is doing in the running.  You just never know…

Analie

Beatrice

Coraline

Darcy

Elinor

Frances

Gillian

Helena

Isabelle

Julianne

Kiera

Lenore

Marna

Nora

Olivia

Piper

Quincy

Rowena

Simone

Talia

Uma

Violet

Wren

Xara

Yalena

Zerubabella

 

The Name Game: Week 8 August 31, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 20:05
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This week, it’s all about character.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been sniffing massive paint fumes for three days straight.  (Grandparents of the offspring: NOT TO WORRY, they really weren’t so bad…)

Maybe it’s because I look around at my house and I think OH MY WORD ARE WE EVER GOING TO BE READY TO MOVE IN!?

Maybe it’s because Joey tore all the trim work off a window in one of the bathrooms yesterday as an “experiment”.

Maybe it’s because our next door neighbors have two really huge German Shepherds which hate Henry with a passion, and one of the people outside with the dogs referred to Henry as “a chew toy” when they saw his furry little body.

Maybe it’s just because it’s what we feel like doing?

So, yeah, we are elbow-deep in our remodel the house project.  Almost all the walls have been painted, except for four piddly closets we forgot about.  Ugh.  I have to buy more ceiling paint now.  The wood floors (which encompass all the flooring in the entire house!!) are very nearly ready to be refinished once we secure a bid we like and get it lined up.  The kitchen?  Well, we haven’t done much yet but we’re going to start on that tomorrow.

Suffice it to say, Joey has been too busy to stitch together the panoramic “before” shots he took the other day.  But I promise sometime I’ll get around to posting them.  It’s just I’m, like, SO BUSY and whatever.

But tomorrow I will be 28 weeks.  Or, rather, the child will be 28 weeks and I will be just 28 weeks fat.  (I mean “not fat”, Joey. I would never call myself fat.  Ever.)

Therefore, please vote on the name in the below poll which you believe from the bottom of your heart has the most…character.  The least character-y name will be deleted.  FOREVER.  Never more to see the light of the internet pixels on your screen.  The end.

 

Béaba Babycook! August 28, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,infertility,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 05:36
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I’ve been drooling over the Béaba Babycook since before the first time I was pregnant, which I think was waaaay back sometime in 2008.  We spotted it at Williams Sonoma once on a NorthPark browsing trip, and I was like, JOEY.  This thing is fabulous!  I NEED THIS WHEN WE HAVE BABIES!  But then shortly after that we discovered weren’t supposed to have babies so I put it out of my mind.

It’s a little four-in-one machine that gently steams fruit or vegetables while maintaining nutrients, and then purees it for you so you can put it into little serving-size containers and throw ‘em into the freezer for your munchkin to eat throughout the week.  It will also defrost and then reheat the same frozen foods back up to a safe temperature for your kiddo to eat.

It’s one of those New to the USA things that I tend to catch way too early on the upswing, so the price tag on this guy, um, a little steepy.  Especially when you consider you could simply steam on the stove and puree in your food processor and use your microwave to defrost/reheat.  But that’s a heck of a lot of dishes and monitoring things to make sure they don’t get too hot or overcooked and lose their nutrients…when you could really just do it all with the press of one button.

And in a cute little machine, to boot.

When you consider the cost of the nasty jarred baby food stuff, and the nutritional benefits of being able steam your own baby food, the Babycook really is much cheaper than that option…it’s just kind of a sucker punch when you look at the price tag the first time.

Anyway.

Yesterday afternoon, Joey disappeared to go buy my birthday present.  When he came back home, he looked all google-eyed and jittery.  ”Do you want your present now?” He asked.  ”Once I got it from the store I just couldn’t wait anymore so if you want it today you can have it.”

Psssh, when have I ever been the kind of person to wait for my birthday presents?  I’m pretty sure that’s a big fat NEVER if I had the option to open them early.

Joey disappeared back out to the car and reappeared…with a huge bag from Williams Sonoma.  Like, it probably have fit at least four newborns inside and had space for their kooshy blankets that newborns tend to carry around with them.

I just looked at it like, What in the world did you get me from Williams Sonoma that could possible be so huge?

“Open it, open it,” Joey said.

And I pulled out…the Béaba Babycook!  ”WOAH!” I squealed. “It’s…the BABYCOOK!”

“Yeah, with some accessories, too,” Joey said, whipping them out of the bag.  He got me the little silicone multi-portion freezer tray, and a set of extra steaming containers for food that doesn’t fit in the freezer tray, if I’m making a big batch someday.  I can easily freeze it right in the steaming container and defrost it on the Babycook and then portion it right back into a freezer tray.

“You….got me a Babycook?” I asked him.  ”Um, isn’t that kind of over budget for birthday presents?”

“It’s 1/4 your birthday present and 3/4 for the baby,” he said, smugly.

Joey always, always gets around the birthday present budget rule.  It drives me crazy, and if I were to try to pull similar shenanigans, I’d be in trouble for about…two weeks.  He never lets me buy him anything nice because he doesn’t “need it”.  (Apparently I do, though?)

I just stood there staring at the Babycook for about a minute, then I said, “This thing is so amazing, can I sleep with it tonight?”

“Um….if you want to,” Joey said.  ”The box looks kind of sharp though.”

He was right, it was sharp.  So I just got up extremely early this morning to look at it again and squish the freezer trays.

It’s weird, because sometimes when you want something (like a Babycook) but it depends entirely on other things you want very badly but the doctor tells you that you aren’t ever going to have (like, for instance, a baby)…and then you DO get pregnant, baby accessories really throw you off.  Because I can still convince myself when she’s not moving around in there than I’m really not pregnant.  But when I see the Babycook, or the little pile of baby clothes we have been compiling, or look at the paint color we chose for her room, it just seems a little more real.

And extremely surreal, because I’ve wanted that crazy Babycook since back before the whole interfility journey began, and I never thought we’d actually wind up needing such a thing.  Which is why Joey got it for me.

 

27.5 weeks August 27, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 14:28
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I’ve been taking some flack, mainly from siblings and/or other relations, for having such an out of date picture of The Child up on my FB page.  So, today we went to take “Before” panorama shots of our house, and Joey decided that we’d take another shot of mah belly.

Ohhhh it’s lovely.  JUST LOVELY.

Dear Face, please go back to your normal size after November.  It would be much appreciated.  Love, Jenna

Isn’t the brick wall about fifteen kinds of fun?  We’re painting the kitchen a medium shade of gray, and I think it will look delicious.  We’re also sanding and painting the cabinets white, and they’re against the other two walls.  Anyway, that’s my kitchen wall.

And my belly.

And my gigantor head.

 

We’ve had a house for a day and a half. August 27, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 06:51
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Last night I had this long elaborate dream that involved me discovering that Joey married me five years ago only for the purpose of buying a house.  And now that we had finally bought a house, he was planning to kill me. With a knife, in Canada.

I woke up after we had finally gotten to Canada and were in the taxi (it was sparkly and red) and we were driving to our hotel where I was pretty sure I was going to die.

Fortunately, I woke up.

And then I said, “Um, are you planning to kill me?  Do you have a knife?  Are we going to Canada?”

Joey was really confused.  But I think he’s going to let me live.

Now that we have a permanent, real, INDIANA address it’s time for new driver’s licenses.  And new plates on the cars.  Before we get pulled over and the 5-0 is all WHY DO YOU HAS TEXAS PLATES IF YOU LIVE IN INDIANA?!  Maybe no one else is worried about this, but it stresses me out every time I get on the road.  I’m pretty sure I have a little sign above my car that says “She moved here but she hasn’t changed her plates yet, give her a ticket and yell at her.”

I was talking with Angel yesterday afternoon and she mentioned that I would have to take a test when I got my Indy license.  I got real pale and light-headed and immediately thought I am so going to fail this test 25 times and then I’ll never get a Indiana license.

Maybe pregnancy has made me a pessimist.  Or maybe it happened before I got pregnant.  Either way, I was not thinking positively when I arrived at the BMV with my Texas driver’s license, birth certificate, marriage license, social security card, passport, and two documents proving I have an Indiana address.

Well, I passed the test.  The guy said I passed “a ton” but not more than the allowed number.  I was so shocked I didn’t even care how many I missed.

Joey’s getting his license this afternoon, and we’re getting plates for the Corolla, but the RAV4 will take a few extra weeks since it’s new.  But we’ll be 75% legal, and I guess that’s better than the 0% we were up until yesterday.

Once we have a regular old party at the BMV, we’re heading back out to the house to measure rooms to ascertain how much paint we need, and to take panoramic “before” shots of the rooms.  Joey said I could go measure the rooms myself this morning, but that sounded stressful.  I like to estimate paint by looking at the room with my eyeballs and making a value judgement about how much paint the room feels like it needs.  Here’s my guess right now:

  • Kitchen – 1 gallon
  • Bedrooms – 1 gallon each
  • Purple bathroom – 1 gallon (and JOEY was the one who picked the purple color.  I almost passed out.)
  • Other bathroom – 1 gallon
  • Great Room-ish Type Thing – 4 gallons

We’ll see how close I am.

And now, it’s time to go walk Henry because he’s been entirely to spastic this morning.  He’s been nuts ever since I took him to the house yesterday afternoon and he was like THIS HOUSE IS MINE!!! and ran around it like he was being nice to let us live there, pay his mortgage, and feed him.

Panoramic pictures forthcoming.  Not sure when, but forthcoming.

 

The Name Game: Week 7 August 25, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 05:25
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I woke up this morning with three things burning a hole in my brain.  No, four things.

  1. Where’s my orange juice?
  2. It’s my mom’s birthday, do not forget to call her!
  3. We are closing on our house today.  ACK!!!
  4. I need some Rice Krispy Treats RIGHT NOW.  (Our daughter will be born and we’ll discover she’s made out of marshmallows or something, that’s how many I have consumed during this pregnancy.  It’s freakish.)

So.  I am currently drinking orange juice and I feel much better now. And since it’s Wednesday I am going to use my mom’s Year of Birth to eliminate two names from The List.  After that, I’ll do some lawn mowing and take a shower so I look decent when we go to sign our life and all our money away in order to have a house.  Oh, and I’m making a new batch of Krispy bars right after I’m done with this post.

I’d better hurry so I can get started on eating them.

Well.  Mom was born in the year XXXX.  I’m not telling you what year, exactly, or she’ll remove me from The Will, and Mom isn’t the kind of person to just remove her children from The Will all willy-nilly.  (That’s Pops.)  But I think she might just do it to me if I posted the year of her birth on the internet.

Therefore.

I added some numbers together and I got 10 and also 11.

HOLY COW, the 10th name on the list is Julianne!!!  I know this will come as a great shock and horror to about 75% of my family members, who have been convinced for weeks we are naming our offspring Julianne.

(Sorry guys, we’re not.)

The 11th name on the list was Kiera, and it’s gone too now.

Well…happy birthday, Mom.  Uh, yeah…that didn’t quite work out how I planned it; now you’re going to have to start over on your list of Names You Think We’ll Call Her since your birthday just deleted Julianne.  Hehehe.

Analie

Beatrice

Coraline

Darcy

Elinor

Frances

Gillian

Helena

Isabelle

Julianne

Kiera

Lenore

Marna

Nora

Olivia

Piper

Quincy

Rowena

Simone

Talia

Uma

Violet

Wren

Xara

Yalena

Zerubabella

 

Hiccups August 24, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 07:26
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I tried to get up this morning for an entire hour and a half (6:30 – 8:00) and failed miserably.  Mostly I just wound up rolling over the opposite direction whenever I felt like I should get out of bed.

Before Joey left for church, he came back in and discovered me still unable to get out of bed, started laughing, and tucked me all back in like I was supposed to go back to sleep.  Then he turned off the light.  ”Noooooo, leave the light on or I’ll never get up,” I hollered after him, but it was too late.  He had shut off all the other lights and was walking out the door.

After a mental rundown of what I need to do today (walk Henry, wash sheets, grocery shop, make Focaccia, write birth plan, finish birthing class homework, and figure out what’s for dinner) I was so stressed out that I could no longer just lay around in bed anymore.  Even if my legs were killing me, which they were.

The baby had decided to wake up just before 8:00, and she was doing her morning calisthenics.  It seemed like the optimal time to have a listen to her heartbeat, so I got the stethoscope and held it up to my belly very lightly.  Five seconds later, she punched it, dead on. (Her aim is super good for being 50% genetically Laird.)

Um, it hurt my ears.

Even through all the fluids, muscles, tissue, and skin, IT WAS A SUPER LOUD PUNCH by the time it traveled up the tubey parts of the stethoscope and made it to my ears.

Then she did it again about five times.

And I was barely touching her.

I switched spots to try to pick up her heartbeat, which was kind of hard to find with my ears still ringing after being punched in the eardrum so many times, but never did pick it up.  Although, it was pretty obvious she was alive in there.  Then, I found something.  It was weird, kind of slow and loud and rhythmic, but not so much like a heartbeat.  And I could feel it outside my belly, too.

Then I realized what she had done.  She’d worked herself up so much punching out the stethoscope that she’d given herself hiccups.

Nice.

I called Joey to tell him, and he laughed really hard.  ”Yeah, I’m going to laugh about that all day,” he said.  ”Pretty sure she’s going to be just like you.”

Heaven help us.

 

Too Much Work August 23, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 15:51
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I went to church today to help Joey with a cleaning project he’d asked me to do.  It took…a really long time.  My ankles had swollen and my feet were all bruised by the time I was done, so I was walking everywhere super slowly.  Had I been thinking, I’d have just walked regular speed.  (It would have been more work but I would have had it over with sooner.)

I came home at 4:00 and was supposed to take a shower, but I got sidetracked by having a snack (nutrients to rebuild my morale) and then started reading Cooks Illustrated.  Thus, I still haven’t taken a shower.  My right arm has hot chocolate on it and so does the baby.

Actually, she’s covered in hot chocolate.  I think she likes it.

My agenda for today was completely altered, I had planned to go to the grocery store as, once again, we’re out of just about everything except flour.  And I’m going to use that later to make a Foccacia biga so I can bake some tomorrow.  I just threw dinner in the oven (not sure what it is, I just thought “let’s put something in the oven so I don’t have to think about it” and then suddenly I had concocted some potato dish and some chicken thing, and they are now in the oven.  WHO KNOWS IF THEY WILL BE GOOD, I’m not really sure what I did to make them.)

I was just wandering back from the bedroom when I encountered Joey, who was coming out of the kitchen.  ”Tomorow I will wash the sheets and change them, and get us groceries,” I said.

“And you will mostly relax,” Joey said.  ”You did too much work today.”

“I didn’t do SO much work,” I said, rolling my eyes at him just a little.  ”I just did SOME work.  I can do work.”

“It was too much work,” he said.

If he thinks cleaning all day was “too much work”…I shudder to think what he will have to say about labor.

 

It worked. August 23, 2010

Filed under: blog posts,pregnancy — jennawoestman @ 06:09
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Yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the couch and happened to glance down at my belly, and I was suddenly struck with a moment of I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT WORKED.

It felt like I was back in the procedure room of the ARTS lab, covered in toasty warm blankets (because it was fah-REEZING in there) and Velcroed into place on the table.  Joey was standing behind me looking like an Arctic explorer, covered in his white Teflon jumpsuit, face mask, and hairnet.  Actually, I bet Arctic explorers don’t really wear hairnets.  But the rest of him looked the part.

And there we stood, waiting and staring at a blank monitor, until the Embryologist walked in, carefully containing The Tube of Children.

It’s extremely surreal to watch your potential children come waltzing into the room in fertilized egg form, being carried by a highly educated (and highly compensated) individual in a long clear tube.

A few moments later, we watched the blank screen become not so blank as the end of the tube appeared, and POOF! there went the little eggs…floating away.  Hopefully to attach.  Hopefully to implant and thrive.

That time one did, one didn’t.

When you are so involved in the egg developing stage of your child, AND IT WORKS!?, it becomes super easy to feel like you’re not actually pregnant.  Because your level of micromanaging and visible involvement drops off drastically.  No more mixing Menopur injections…and accidentally losing one of the bottles containing the second day’s dose under the refrigerator.  We found it when we moved in June.  I considered giving it to Joey to see what would happen.  (He didn’t like my idea.  Plus the vial was really kind of scuzzy after being under the fridge for four months.)

Until she started moving around a LOT a couple weeks ago, neither Joey nor I actually believed I was really pregnant unless we were watching a sonogram screen and saw the actual baby.

Well, last night, she was being completely hyperactive.  We’d bought a cheapo stethoscope for $15.00 from Walmart a few weeks back to try to pick up her heartbeat, but so far we hadn’t been successful.  All we could ever hear was my stomach digesting my dinner, and when you’re looking for your kid’s heartbeat, the last thing you want to hear is your stomach munching on chicken alfredo.

But last night, we finally found her!

“I hear her, she’s right here,” I said to Joey, and ripped off the ear pieces.

He tried to listen but couldn’t pick her up, after a few seconds he repositioned the stethoscope and then smiled.  ”I hear her now!”

She’s very faint, but she’s definitely in there.

I still can’t believe it worked.