Monthly Archives: November 2007

The Lip Balm Crisis

The Lip Balm Crisis

So I was sitting here when I suddenly realized that I needed a lip balm fix. I am, shall we say, a lip balm addict. I also have problems making decision when I have more than one option (it’s hereditary).

I reached for my lip balm and suddenly realized that I had three different kinds within reach. And, if you count the additional two different kinds in my purse, that put the grand total of lip balms within two feet of me at five.

Five lip balms.

Five.

I withdrew my hand and stared at the three lip balms that I could see. My visible options were:
1. Burt’s Bees
2. C.O. Bigelow Spearmint Mentha Lip Shine
3. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint in a shade of red

I started to squirm when I realized I had to make a decision. Then I remembered that I had two more different kinds of lip balm in my purse; maybe I wanted one of those? My invisible options were:

1. C.O. Bigelow Shea Butter Lip Balm
2. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint in a shade of pink

Which one do I pick? Do I want pink lips, red lips, shiny lips, smooth lips or pepperminty lips?
I squirmed as I pondered my options.

The decision-making process was proving stressful. I think I have too many lip balms. Suddenly I grabbed my Burt’s Bees, applied it, and leaned back with a great sigh of relief; one (albeit minor) decision down.

My Father-in-Law Answers The Door

My Father-in-Law Answers The Door

At 6:00 last night we decided to have Joey’s parents over for dinner. So we rushed around and made sure we truly did have enough food for 4 people, then we all sat down to eat a nice meal of chicken marsala, biscuits and some other stuff that I can’t remember right now.

The Lauras and I were planning to leave around 7:00ish from our place to go shopping for some Christmas gifts. Our SF group got a couple of names of needs DTS student’s children, and so we planned to have a toy-shopping evening. Super fun.

Well, Laura #1 showed up at 7:00 and was kind of confused when she saw 2 other people in our house that she didn’t recognize. She, naturally, thought she’d got the time/date/place wrong and was screwing up our dinner. We assured her that she was right on schedule, we’d just juggled around our plans.

Than…FIL#1 got a tricksy look on his face. “I should have answered the door and freaked you out! Made you think you had the wrong place and everything!” He said to Laura #1, who was sitting on our couch. Poor Laura #1.

Joey laughed and laughed. “You have to do that when Laura #2 comes in a few minutes. And I’ll take a picture of her face.”

Even poorer Laura #2!

“She can handle it,” Laura #1 said with a little giggle.

I decided the safest place to stay out of this mess was in the kitchen. So I left Laura #1 on the couch and started on the pile of dirty dishes we’d accumulated as we made dinner. About 10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

Joey and FIL#1 sprang into action. (I have never seen either one of them move quite so fast before.) Joey yelled, “Just a minute!” and FIL#1 took his place by the door.

FIL#1 opened the front door and said “hi” as Joey snapped a picture, and there stood poor Laura #2, just as confused as can be.
“What is going ON?!” Laura #2 asked as FIL#1 let her in the house. She was seriously confused.

Joey explained the prank and Laura #2 said she’d have been even more confused if Joey hadn’t screwed it up by yelling “just a minute” the way he did. (Seriously, Joey.)

“That picture’s going on your blog tomorrow, isn’t it,” Laura #2 bemoaned.

(Of course it is. I mean seriously, look at that amazing look on her face?!)

We all had a good laugh, mostly at Laura #2′s expense, and us girls headed out to go shopping. A good time was had by all.

Well, I think all. Hehehe…

268 mg of caffeine in 6 hours…

268 mg of caffeine in 6 hours…

I woke up at 5:00 with a fearsome cluster headache. (I’d felt it coming on about 9:00 last night so I was at least sort of prepared.) It hurt so bad that I didn’t even get up to take Excedrin Migrane which, in hindsight, was a pretty bad idea. In any case, when I finally hauled myself out of bed at 6:30, I popped 2 Excedrin tablets. Each Excedrin tablet has 65 mg of caffeine, so that was 130 total.

Because of the headache I decided that I might as well have coffee with breakfast since I already had a headache. Besides, maybe a little more caffeine wouldn’t hurt? So I brewed myself some drip coffee, which tops out at 100 mg of caffeine.

And now, with my Jason’s Deli for lunch I am drinking a Pepsi, which has 38 mg of caffeine.

This puts my grand total of caffeine intake for the morning at 268 mg. (Mom, don’t pass out.) I’m starting to feel a little jittery, caffeine paranoid, shifty, and otherwise strange.

AAAAUGH!!!

Thankful for Thanksgiving

Thankful for Thanksgiving

Being expat Iowans like we are, we found ourselves about 12 hours too far away to go home for Thanksgiving. This left us with a Very Important Decision:
1. Have Thanksgiving by ourselves and try not to burn the turkey
2. Have Thanksgiving somewheres else

We have cool friends, so we got an invitation to have Thanksgiving somewheres else. (Hooray!) We weren’t sure they had entirely realized what they’d gotten themselves into when they invited us because I still don’t know much of anything about football, (“Woah, that guy just whacked that thing out of the air at the end of the field, was that good?”) or about computers. (“Joey, come put stuff on the flash drive for me. I still don’t know how…”)

Almost everyone knows that two important things on Thanksgiving are watching football and going through the ads to decide whether or not it’s worth it to go shopping on Friday. I try to understand football, I really do. But there are just some things in life that I can’t seem to comprehend. And I need Joey to feel like he’s The Man, so I let him do all the computer stuff.

Anyway, Danny and Laura invited us to Laura’s family’s house to share the holiday. We had a fantastic time.

Before lunch we watched football. Correction: Joey watched football and I tried to watch football. None of the refs got ran over by any football players in the 10 minutes I managed to watch, so I got bored of it very quickly and looked through the ads. Cabelas wasn’t having any good deals on anything unless you wanted guns (ick) or a fake deer to practice shooting your gun (also ick).

This is Danny and Laura. We are very thankful that they shared their family with us for the day! I managed to be 95% homesick free, which is a pretty good percentage considering all the amazing funness that was being had in Iowa without us.

After lunch we went on a very long walk. It was nice and cold outside which was perfect for Thanksgiving. (Rumor has it that snowflakes were seen in Dallas, but we were in Plano and didn’t see any.) We all bundled up as much as possible and headed out. Fortunately, Joey had our camera in tow.

We hadn’t walked four blocks when Joey saw a large cluster of bushes.

“Danny, run behind that bunch of bushes and I’ll take your picture,” he said.

Danny ran over to the bushes and posed like a gopher. (At least we think it looks like a gopher, who knows, maybe he was going for chipmunk.)
(The two nice-looking people in the foreground are Laura’s parents. And that’s Danny behind the bush.)

Someone happened to notice this trailer parked right across the street from the bushes that Danny had been hiding behind. I’m not sure you can read it, it’s pretty small, but there are about four cameras on top of the trailer pointed right at the bushes. The sides of the trailer say “WE ARE WATCHING YOU!” They’re serious about it, too.
We half expected FBI agents to come busting out and take us all down.

Along trail was a creek and, as we got closer to the bridge, everyone ran to grab sticks we could play Poohsticks. I held mine and Joey’s since he was taking pictures.
And, for a brief moment, I thought I’d actually won! But then it was pointed out to me that Laura’s brother Matt had won and his stick looked an awful lot like mine.

(I will point out that Joey’s stick, a smallish, lightweight reed-type thing, lost the worst of every other stick. So at least I beat him.)

We walked a little bit farther and, around a bend, we came upon this sign.

“Ha!” Joey crowed, “Go stand under that sign! I think you’ll fit.”

I fit. Barely.

The pond/lake was just down the path from the horsey sign, and the sidewalk and bank of the pond was covered in geese. It was pretty amazing. So Danny and Megan chased them and made them all fly away which, had I different shoes on, I’d have totally done too.
Our first Texas Thanksgiving, I’d say it was a pretty great day. Thanks to Danny and Laura and the Reeders for hosting us, we had a fantastic time.

The Great Christmas Tree Hunt

The Great Christmas Tree Hunt

We spent Thanksgiving with our friends Danny and Laura (yes, folks, THE Danny and Laura of thestillers.blogspot.com fame) and had a great day. Somewhere in the middle of the afternoon as we were discussing Black Friday deals and Christmas trees, we decided to try to find a real, live Christmas tree farm and cut ourselves a couple of Christmas trees.

So I asked The Google where I might find a Christmas tree farm. It told me I’d find one in Flower Mound, complete with hayrides.

I shall abridge the story and just tell you that the Christmas tree farm in Flower Mound gets their trees from Michigan. They are not “cut your own” and, considering the place is in the middle of town, I have no idea where they give these alleged hayrides.

So we gave up and drove over to that Lowe’s on Jupiter. But, quite by accident, we found a Christmas tree tent a few parking lots over from Lowes. These Christmas trees came from Oregon (I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a major selling point or not…) and were proudly displayed in all their fluffy, pine-needley glory. These trees were not all strung up with twine like the ones at Lowes.

Joey and I conspired about our budget and finally settled on $40. We ran hither and yon until, at last, we found the perfect tree. (We also found a tree that cost $350 and was taller than my parents house. But we left it in the lot.)

We also brought our camera along and took 100 pictures. (You did read that correctly – one hundred pictures in less than an hour) I think it’s dangerous for Woestmans to own cameras.

Once we found The Tree Danny said, “Stand by it and I’ll take your picture.” We stood by the tree. Danny took about 25 pictures. I like this one because I’m being all green friendly and hugging my tree.

This one Joey made me put in here. I look like an idiot and I think that’s why he picked it. He’s not very nice.

I decided to carry the tree out of the tent. It wasn’t very heavy but it was very sappy, prickly and cumbersome. I was mostly just proud of myself that I got the tree off of the ground, up into the air, and over the other taller trees since I’m not very tall in the first place.

When I finally got the tree outside the guy came over and said, “You know, I’d have come and gotten it for you.” I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed with me or not, but I decided I didn’t really care. So I told him it was OK and we just wanted to be sure we got the right tree. (That’s really only half true, mostly I wanted to carry the tree around.)

This is Danny and Laura and their cute little tree. Fortunately they have a Jeep and we were able to tie our trees on top of it…otherwise I’m really not sure how we’d have gotten our tree back into our house.

Poor Henry, we brought the tree inside and got it all set up. He was fairly scared of it until it was in its stand, then he hesitantly came over to smell it. His analysis was that it was poky, sharp and wasn’t worth his time. (Whew.)

And this is our Christmas living room. I love it! Isn’t the tree just perfect? And we have a fireplace to hang our stockings! I just love Christmas…

My Pops Turns The Big 5-0!!!

My Pops Turns The Big 5-0!!!

Today is my daddy’s birthday and, since he’s not my mom or a lady, I can tell you all how old he is. He’s 50. It’s lame that I have to be in Texas on such a comemorative day as today, so I have spent the better part of the morning coming up with amazing things about my dad.

But first, here’s 50 ways to say happy birthday. Some are other languages and some are just, well, things I came up with. (You’ll definitely be able to tell which is which.)

It’s Dad’s birthday! Veels geluk met jou verjaarsdag vader! Happy birthday Dad! Feliz cumpleanos Padre! My dad’s getting older! Aita Zorionak! Gray hair is great! Happy birthday to you! Sretan Rodendan! 5+ for the birthday boy/man!

Van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag! Dad speaks English; happy birthday! L‡ breithe mhaith agat! Birthday felicitations! Ick wuensch da allet Jute zum Jeburtstach! Happy birthday Pops! Inuuinni pilluarit! A pinch to grow an inch! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Celebrate You!

Birthday. Happy. Joyeux Anniversaire! Hau`oli Lā Hānau! Daudz laimes dzimsanas diena! We like Dad’s birthday! Grattis pŒ fšdelsedagen! Dogum gunun kutlu olsun! Make a birthday sale! Many happy returns of the day! Let him eat cake!

appyhay irthdaybay! A Freilekhn Gebortstog! Hppy Brthdy! Bonne Fete! My dad’s birthday is better than your dad’s birthday! Felichan Naskightagon! 5+ for anyone whose birthday is today! Vsechno nejlepsi! Tracy Lesan would say Vsetko najlepsie k narodeninam!

Picaw-picaw! (that’s chicken for happy birthday…) Maligayang Bati Sa Iyong Kaarawan! No working on your birthday, make Mom do it all!! Vse najboljse za rojstni dan! Three cheers for Dad; if we didn’t have him we wouldn’t have us! Mi fresteri ju! All cats adore Dad and wish him happy birthday! Janmadina subha kankshalu! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD! I LOVE MY DAD!

And these are the 50 reasons why MY dad could beat YOUR dad up. He’s pretty much awesome. (I had originally made them in an Excel spreadsheet because my Pops is really good at Excel. So you’ll just have to pretend that these are in a spreadsheet so you can get the full effecet.)

  1. My Pops is great because he has cows.
  2. My Pops is great because he is on the missions committee.
  3. My Pops is great because he loves my mom.
  4. My Pops is great because he is the best realtor in Iowa.
  5. My Pops is great because he helped me get down the aisle at my wedding without tripping!
  6. My Pops is great because he likes Snickers, Almond Joy and Pepsi and now I do too.
  7. My Pops is great because he is the birthday boy.
  8. My Pops is great because he likes to go to the Boundary Waters and he lets girls go along too.
  9. My Pops is great because he lets me drive his old timey tractors, sometimes even at Old Threshers.
  10. My Pops is great because he needs help fixing his cow sprayer.
  11. My Pops is great because he knows a million Excel formulas.
  12. My Pops is great because he used to play Gitchu with us, and everyone knows Gitchu is the best game ever when you’re a little kid.
  13. My Pops is great because he taught me how to cut a worm so I could go fishing.
  14. My Pops is great because he likes to sing.
  15. My Pops is great because he took my mom to the UK and had fish and chips.
  16. My Pops is great because he has lots of pairs of wicking socks.
  17. My Pops is great because he used to let me have Pepsis and let me sit at his desk when I’d come visit him at St. Luke’s.
  18. My Pops is great because he took us tobogganing in the snow.
  19. My Pops is great because he let me have a horse when I was in high school.
  20. My Pops is great because he does the weed-whacking so the girls don’t have to.
  21. My Pops is great because he sprayed for wolf spiders for me when I lived in the basement and used to have tons of them.
  22. My Pops is great because he bought a rocket when he came to Texas and we shot it off a lot of times.
  23. My Pops is great because he likes lima beans, and he’s probably the only person in the entire family who does.
  24. My Pops is great because he blew himself up when he was in high school in Ankeny.
  25. My Pops is great because he likes John Deere.
  26. My Pops is great because he gave me boy advice when I really needed it.
  27. My Pops is great because he remembers all the old stories about old locations where family members once were, and he tells them to us.
  28. My Pops is great because he helped me make pinewood derby cars.
  29. My Pops is great because he has the Frog Face. (You know, from Frog and Toad…)
  30. My Pops is great because he likes the Wild Wild West and used to bring us home tapes he made for us when he was at work.
  31. My Pops is great because he has strange children.
  32. My Pops is great because he hangs out with us and our friends.
  33. My Pops is great because he always encourages me.
  34. My Pops is great because he lets me help with the cows.
  35. My Pops is great because he gives me backrubs. Sometimes.
  36. My Pops is great because he makes very nice fires in the fireplace on cold evenings!
  37. My Pops is great because he takes me to Tractor Supply Company and lets me help pick out cow ear tags. (Except I like green but you never buy green.)
  38. My Pops is great because he tried to teach me how to chance the oil in the 2K, but I can’t remember how anymore.
  39. My Pops is great because he flew me up to Michigan with him when I was in high school. It wasn’t very scary.
  40. My Pops is great because he let me be his receptionist.
  41. My Pops is great because he lets me go fishing with him in the Boundary Waters, even though I talk too much and scare the fish away.
  42. My Pops is great because he taught me how to canoe properly.
  43. My Pops is great because he usually forgets how movies end and gets real excited during all the jump scenes.
  44. My Pops is great because he likes oranges.
  45. My Pops is great because he gets into mischief.
  46. My Pops is great because he drives with an earbud and is, subsequently, safer.
  47. My Pops is great because he has always lived in Iowa.
  48. My Pops is great because he knows more about chickens than you do.
  49. My Pops is great because he gives nice hugs.
  50. My Pops is great (times infinity!) because…he’s the only one!
Happy birthday Daddy!!

Joey Screams

Joey Screams

Over the past couple of years, I have become a huge chicken. Movies, television shows, radio programs….all of the above have the potential to scare me really bad, especially when creepy music is involved.

For Christmas last year, Joey was given the complete 7 seasons of MacGyver. We’re about halfway through the 3rd season, we usually watch a couple episodes a week. Last night’s episode was called “Ghost Ship” or some such nonsense.

MacGyver was doing some kind of land survey up in Alaska and, while he was out there, he found a ship anchored in a bay. So of course he checked it out; something definitely was afoot. The creepy music began to play and I buried my face in the back of the couch.

“I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared,” I repeated, rather like Joey’s 3 year old cousin now that I think about it.

MacGyver found a rowboat with claw marks gashed in it and fixed it up so he could row out to the ship. Once he got to the ship, the music started in again.

(This is the part where it got too scary for me and I went to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher.)

“What’s going on?” I asked, hesitantly, from the kitchen.

“He’s finding a lot of broken stuff on the ship…” Joey narrated. “Oh, a bloody handprint…and lots of broken glasses. There are open magazines on the table…”

The music got creepier. There were now strange, animal-like howls. Suddenly…

“AAAAAAAUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!” Joey screamed and jumped about a mile. I glanced over at him, thinking he was making fun of me. He was not; he had legitimately screamed. He had a sort of tense look on his face and he was staring at the computer screen intently.

“What happened?” I asked.

“A big furry arm just flashed across the screen.” He was holding a pillow tightly.

“It’s good I’m in the kitchen.” I said, relieved.

“Yeah, it probably is. I can’t believe I screamed.” Joey seemed kind of ashamed of himself, but I was secretly proud of him.

And now that I type out the circumstances, it’s pretty lame that either one of us were scared in the first place. The furry arm turned out to be a man dressed up in a Sasquatch costume trying to keep people out of the area. Oy, I think I might be rubbing off on poor Joey.

But man, that 80′s jump-scene music is pretty creepy…

Pull Over, I’m Gonna Hurl!

Pull Over, I’m Gonna Hurl!

No, I didn’t say that. (But I was feeling like it as I was somewhere into the second mile of my run last night, realizing I hadn’t waited long enough after I ate dinner…)

On Monday evening, Joey and I were driving home in rush hour on the freeway. It was a lot slower than usual and, once we hit Mockingbird, traffic stopped altogether. We were in the far lane and we slammed on our brakes to avoid rear-ending the large white truck in front of us. (It really wasn’t that dramatic, but come on. It sounds better.)

Suddenly, the large white truck veered over onto the shoulder and pulled up next to the brown minivan it had been behind.

“That’s…really weird.” I said to Joey.

“No, it was good. He was just trying not to rear-end the van since he stopped so fast.”

It hadn’t really looked like the white truck had to stop that fast to me, so I was doubtful of this explanation. The white van crept forward a little bit more and we pulled up alongside it. The passenger door began to wiggle. I thought, Wouldn’t that be disgusting if the passenger leaned out of the car and–

My worst fears were confirmed. The wiggling passenger door flew fully open and a man leaned out of the car….

…and threw up all over the freeway.

“OHHHHH!!!” I wailed and covered my face with my hands. I hate seeing people throw up. It makes me feel sympathetic and like I’m going to be sick as well. “Is he done yet?” Of course we were still stuck in traffic and sitting right next to the puking man.

“Yeah, he’s done.” Joey replied. He seemed to have an aura of feeling awesome about him, like he’d just seen something really disgusting but also rare and was really proud.

“That was the sickest thing ever,” I moaned and squinted my eyes to check that the coast was truly clear.

“It wasn’t very chunky though,” Joey said as he (finally!) started accelerating and we drove past the barf man.

“I didn’t want to hear that.” I pouted.

“Can you imagine? All of a sudden that guy must have been like, ‘Pull over, I’m gonna hurl!’”

“I don’t want to imagine. So disgusting.”

And that was how Joey and I were treated to the sight of a man barfing all over the freeway. It’s a sight I hope never to experience again, especially at such close range. And, if you’re really looking for the silver lining, we were fortunate enough to be just far enough away that we don’t need to take our car to the car wash.

(That’s not to imply that our car is actually clean and does not to see the inside of a car wash, regardless of Mr. Barfer on the freeway.)

The Heist

The Heist

We played Mexican Train last night with some friends. I’d never played it before and found it to be quite an enjoyable game. (For those of you who are thinking “Mexican Train?! What…”, it’s a game you play with Dominoes.)

Each person had a small train token that, when they ran out of options for their string of dominoes, went on the little roundhouse in the center of all the madness, indicating that that string of dominoes was fair game for other people to play off.

I had the purple glittery train. But I wanted the green glittery train and Kevin had the green train. I was jealous.

Kevin, aside from being the green glittery train hog, is from Iowa and likes The Red Green Show. So in reality he’s probably an OK kind of guy. But…he had the green glittery train. And I wanted it.

So, at the end of the first round when everyone was mixing up the dominoes, I leaned across the table and snatched that green glittery train. In its place I set the glittery purple train and set the green glittery train on my lap under the table.

Now that I had successfully stolen the green train, I wasn’t sure how to execute my next move. I obviously couldn’t use the green train as my game token, because if I did Kevin would realize who had stolen it and then make me give it back. I didn’t want to give it back. So I sat there holding on to the green train waiting for Kevin to notice it was gone.

It didn’t take long.

“Where’s my green train?” He asked and began searching all over the table, the floor, the counters behind him…

I sort of felt guilty for stealing the green train, so I set it on the table behind my water bottle. Audra noticed it, giggled, and grabbed the train and hid it in her lap for a little while.

Kevin continued to look for his train. He was unsuccessful.

Andra slipped the green glittery train back to me while Kevin wasn’t looking. Somehow I had to figure out a very awesome and hilarious way to get the train back without Kevin realizing who had taken it. I began to think.

I thought, and thought and thought. I thought some more.

I finally decided that the ideal way to give the train back but also make Kevin think he was going crazy would be to put the train piece back on the roundhouse in the middle of the game. You know, like it had been there the whole time.

So, as I drew my dominoes, I reached across the table with my right hand to grab a few dominoes. With my left hand, I sneakily replaced the train on the roundhouse. Audra and I shared a smile and sat there to wait for Kevin to notice his train. It really didn’t take too long.

“HEY! My train!” He yelled as he suddenly saw his green glittery train sitting right in front of him.

He instantly began blaming everyone at the table…except for me. Oh, and his girlfriend. (Who is also a fan of the Red Green show and, subsequently, an OK sort of person.) The blame generally centered around Audra and her husband, Austin who, in all honesty, did seem like the perfect candidates for a train robbery.

Throughout the remainder of the game I made several pointed “what kind of a person loses their train” comments, but he still never caught on. So maybe I should make my living as a robber or something, because I must not look like the kind of girl who goes around stealing things.

I was pretty proud of myself. It was the perfect heist.