Sep30
Monthly Archives: September 2008
Sep30
Monday Date. (If you can call it that.)
“Pllllease can we go on a walk?” I begged Joey last night. It was beautiful weather and I couldn’t resist it. Henry was also wound up like a firecracker and needed a walk.
Joey, however, had about six pounds of homework to get through.
So I cleaned up the kitchen, did some other stuff (but I honestly can’t remember what it was) and by 7:30, Joey came in and said, “Now’s a good time, shall we go for a walk?”
I was quite surprised. I didn’t think we’d actually get to do it.
So off we went. We had three stops: the library (because HP4 was due, and now I have to check out another one because I only made it 483 pages through in three weeks I had it – sad!), Target (to get Tylenol) and Seven-11 (to get a Slurpee!)
I got to pick out the Slurpee while Joey stayed outside with Henry. I made the mistake of getting the 22 ounce size; I also bought chewy Nerds. I came out of the store laden with junk food…but I don’t think Joey was as surprised as I thought he would be. He knows me pretty well. We walked down the boulevard sharing our HUGE Slurpee, Dragonfruit flavor, which was delicious and altogether sugary. Our teeth began to feel like they were the same blue-green as the Slurpee.
“Here, eat these Nerds,” I said to Joey.
“I don’t like Nerds,” he replied.
“You…you don’t like Nerds?” I replied, aghast. I know he likes Nerds, guys. Seriously. At least he used to.
“I never liked Nerds. They’re too sugary.” Who is this man I have married?! HE USED TO LIKE NERDS.
“Joey. I know for a fact you like Nerds. I brought a few boxes home once and you were like ‘oh yay, Nerds!’ and then I gave you one.”
Joey sighed with resignation. “I only like them in small boxes.”
Well. See? I told you he liked Nerds.
Due to Joey’s sudden aversion to Nerds, I got to eat the entire bag of chewy Nerds (YAY!) and drink pretty much 3/4 of the Slurpee before I made myself sick from all the sugar. I’m getting old or something, which I think is lame.
Joey does too like Nerds.
Sep30
Congratulations to The Brother and Laura (aka…The Sister-in-Law?…it’s still a work in progress…) on their new car*!
*This is not their actual car. It is a picture of a car LIKE theirs. (Same model and color and year and whatever, they just don't have a shed like that to take a picture of their car in front of.)
Sep30
In Which I Once Again Rail Against the USPS
Maybe the Postal Service is all stressed out about the economic downturn just like the rest of us. Even still, I don’t understand how they get so confused. I ordered something off the Internets on Tuesday of last week. Said item was shipped on Wednesday. I had it sent three day shipping. Let’s all do the math together:
Wednesday + 3 days = Saturday
Very nice, class.
The package didn’t arrive yesterday, to my great annoyance, and so I tracked it using the link in my confirmation email. I was dismayed to notice that it hadn’t actually been shipped until Thursday (contrary to my tracking email) and it took from Thursday to Monday to get to Austin.
I don’t live in Austin.
But somehow, at the same exact time as the box is in Austin, it is also in Oklahoma City! I’m not sure how this all works, but I know this can’t be right.
I just want my package. It’s now two days late, and at this rate…I may never get it.
Sep30
Henry Goes Bonkers
On Friday night we took Buddy to get a pedicure. He hates getting them, so I sort of bribed him with one of the toys at PetSmart (which we hadn’t purchsed). He picked the thing up and carried it in his gross little mouth all the way back to the pet salon.
We wound up buying the toy for Henry because he’s spoiled.
Since then, he has been all kinds of annoying. His new toy has a really loud squeaker in it, and he loves to bring the slobbery thing up to you and squeak the heck out of it until it drives you so crazy that you throw the toy. He runs, gets it, and the process begins all over again…until you take the toy and sit on it so Henry can’t see it anymore. He’s not real bright.
He was squeaking that thing so bad last night, I tried to get it on video but was largely unsuccessful.
Sep29
i
can’t
even
tell
you
how
long
today
has
been.
boring…………………
…..boring…………….
……….boring………..
……………boring……
………………..boring.
where
is
joey?
Sep29
Joey, Joey, Joey
On Friday evening, Joey and I did the loser/mature thing and went to the grocery store. As we were backing out, I noticed that I had I forgotten the bags in the house, though, so I left Joey in the car and ran inside to pick them up. I wasn’t gone long. I got back in the car, threw the bags in the backseat, and we were off.
At the corner of Southwestern and Greenville, my phone buzzed. It was a text message from Sister. It read, “Why?”
I completely flipped out. “Oh no Joey! Sister must be having a terrible, terrible day or something! She just texted me the word ‘why’!”
“That’s weird,” Joey said.
“I have to call her,” I said. I was really panicking bad for some reason, my hands were all shaking as I held the phone.
A few rings later, I heard Sister’s voice. And then, quite a bit louder, I heard the little guy she nannies singing (or, rather, yelling) his “Days of the Week” song, which sounded a whole lot like the theme to “Addams Family” to me.
“Sister!” I said.
“Yes?” She said.
“What is wrong with you?”
“I am a poohead?” She asked.
“You are?” I asked.
“No, you said I was.” She replied.
“I did?”
“You did.”
“Wait…I….” I was super confused by this point.
Suddenly Joey couldn’t contain himself anymore. He burst out laughing with a guffaw, the likes of which I have scarcely heard before or since. I looked at him askance.
“HOLD ON SISTER – I think Joey commandeered my phone while I was inside!”
(Sister’s little babysitting charge was still in the background yelling/singing “DAYS OF THE WEEK…*clap, clap*….DAYS OF THE WEEK!”)
Joey was laughing so hard he couldn’t speak. But finally he was able to contain himself and he said, “Yeah, it was totally me.”
I assured Sister that I do not currently think she is a poohead and hung up the phone. I turned to my husband and gave him the stink eye.
“I also sent the same message to The Kid and The Brother,” giggled Joey before busting up again.
I sighed.
“I’m surprised only Sister texted you back.” He seemed kind of deflated, but not for long.
Joey is so proud of himself for hoaxing me like that that he has not stopped talking about it since Friday. In fact, he recounted the entire scenario for me, blow-by-blow style, this morning on the way to work.
Sep29
Rex
We met the cutest puppy ever this weekend. When we went out to Joey’s uncle’s house we took Henry, of course, because he likes to play with Minnie, their Bichon. To our great surprise, there was a little bitty cottonball of a puppy romping on the floor when we walked in the front door.
Rex weighed about 3 pounds, and I think one of it might have been entirely cute little curly white fur. He was adorable.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE FACE!
I begged Joey to take a bunch of pictures with me and Rex, mostly to make Henry jealous. I think it worked.
I really like this one, please notice how Rex’s bum is all hiked up in the air…he saw Henry coming and tried to stop really fast and sort of face-planted into the rug. It was fantastic. Rex didn’t have any concept of his tiny status, he just loved picking on Henry.
Henry’s like, “Dude. Go away.”
This one’s out of focus, but it’s awesome. See how Rex totally has air? And Henry’s looking up to Heaven pleading for rescue from the annoying white fluffball.
Finally, after four hours of being picked on, Henry gave it right back to Rex. Henry whipped around (see his ears? They’re all flying around in the air) and barked at Rex like he was the boss. Doesn’t he look sort of ferocious? Rex didn’t get the message, though, five minutes later he was back to trying to climb on Henry’s neck.
I want one. Please?
Sep29
Carter’s Demise: Plan B
Plan A had been to burn Carter at Joey’s uncle’s house. Well, that didn’t so much work. The kids were real active and we didn’t think we should run the risk of harming or traumatizing them by setting something on fire in their presence. So we (mostly I) refrained. It was time to transition to Plan B.
Sunday afternoon.
Right before SF.
At home.
On the balcony.
Wait – ON THE BALCONY?
Yes, you heard/read me correctly. (But I put tinfoil down first, so it was safe.)
“Joey, I’m ready to burn Carter,” I said.
He had preempted me and was already in the bathroom filling a bucket with water. I filled up my largest OXO bowl for backup and we set up camp on the balcony. Henry kept trying to get out to Carter, but we held him back.
Here...goes....nothin'
Initially, Carter began burning very politely. Very calmly.
Slowly, the foam began to melt and Carter began to turn into A RAGING INFERNO
It was pretty cool looking
Until it just got plain out of control. The heat was incredible, there was black smoke POURING from our balcony, and the noxious fumes coming off the burning foam were horriffic.
I doused Carter with water...but the fire was too hot. It was like those trick birthday candles, you put it out and it starts up again. I thought I was going to burn down the whole house.
Finally, Carter absorbed enough water and put itself out. I was releived beyond belief.
Awkwardly, just as I put Carter’s fire, out I heard fire sirens in the distance. I completely flipped out. I waited until I was sure Carter was done burning and cool, then I tried to stuff him in a large paper Panera sack I found in the closet.
He weight about 10 libs because of all that water he had taken on, and the foam had turned into this oil, black, waxy mess which I got all over my arms.
LAME.
I dashed out of the house and to the Dumpster, where I threw Carter, and ran back to the house and washed my hands for about twenty minutes before I could get the oily goo off.
The fire trucks never came to my house. I was releived.
And I probably won’t set anything else on fire on my balcony ever again. I have learned my lesson. I was pretty sure Carter was going to burn us all down.
The end.
Sep26
I’m setting Carter on fire this weekend. Really. I mean it this time.
The last two times I have planned to torch Carter have been the days before I have gone to see the doc…and subsequently was told to keep using Carter.
Yesterday I left so fast that the therapist lady didn’t have a chance to yell “Keep using Carter!” after me as I ran out the door. So this is why I’m FINALLY setting it on fire this weekend. Conveniently we’re going to Fort Worth to watch Joey’s cousins (in exchange for at least one corner piece of cake with gratuitous amounts of frosting; I was very firm on this point). This is really handy for setting Carter on fire because:
- We don’t live there, so if the neighbors get mad….I’ll never know
- They have a nice big yard, plenty of space for a pyro. (I have been trying to figure out where to do it at our apartment complex for the last two weeks and I haven’t been able to–too many nosy neighbors.)
- His aunt and uncle will be gone for several hours. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
My brothers tell me that foam burns black, so I have to figure out how to do this on the sly. (Carter is 100% ugly gray foam.) I also am not sure how flammable it is, so I’ll probably need to add a little somethin’ somethin’ to get it going. (Kelli – remember when we were kids how we used to set ants on fire on the driveway with hairspray and a magnifying glass? Good times. Great memories. Poor ants.) Also I need to figure out how I’m going to deal with cleanup. And get enough water nearby…just in case.
It’s been a long, long time since the last time I set something on fire. I am kind of looking forward to this.
