So last night, Joey and I were both bushed.  We went to bed at 9:00 (how’s that for realizing you’re getting old, and on his birthday too?!) I read National Geographic and he read Lord of the Rings.  It was a beautiful evening, the kind where you can’t help but keep your windows open, so our curtains were blowing gently in the breeze.

Then we heard it.

Some lady outside was yelling and cussing someone (or someTHING) out like it was her primary occupation.  She was actually using more cuss words than appropriate words, too, which I found kind of amazing when you consider that there really aren’t that many cuss words.

She continued in this manner for a very long time, and I finally got the gumption to sneak out into the study so I could peek out the big window.

It was The Noisy Neighbors.  You know, the ones that drive a souped up Lincoln that’s jacked up with shiny rims and 3 inch thick tires with megaloud subs in the truck?

THOSE Noisy Neighbors.

I don’t like them.

Not one little bit.

Their children run in and out from behind the cars in the parking lot, they can’t seem to speak without yelling at each other and sometimes they’ll sit outside in their Lincoln-blaster in the parking lot and their stupid subs will rattle things IN MY APARTMENT.

MY APARTMENT.

I got sick of them a couple weeks ago and took down the license plate number and suchlike, so if they ever just sit out there and do their thing for, twenty minutes, I’m totally calling Smith on them.

Anyway, back to the cussing lady.   (That was a really long tangent.)

There she was, sitting out on the front step yelling at a friend of hers and calling her words I wouldn’t call my enemies as she described how she didn’t like her father and brother…also using words, and combinations thereof, that I am pretty much unfamilar with.

“Well then,” I said to myself.  I marched right over to my cell phone and dialed Smith Patrol and I busted that cussing lady who, let’s face is, is probably younger than I am.  And she has three children. I sincerely hope she doesn’t talk to them the same way she talked to her “friend”, because if she does…

I went back into our bedroom, after tattling on the cussing lady, and Joey looked up from his book.  “Did you call on them?” He asked.

“Sure did,” I said.

The lady must have sensed what we did, because she launched into a cussing tirade at her “friend” that could have made any veteran cusser blush.  (I wondered why the friend didn’t just hang up.)

I discreetly shut our windows so that when Smith came she wouldn’t be able to look up and notice ours were open and figure out we called on her.  Y’all, WE COULD STILL HEAR HER WITH THE WINDOWS CLOSED.

Joey got all giddy and ran out to the study where we sat and watched headlights come into the parking lot.  “Is that Smith?” He’d ask.  Then…the car would pass and he’d say, “No” all dejectedly.

Finally, after 10 minutes or so, Smith came.

The guy asked her to “keep it down”, which she completely disregarded.  In fact, she cussed us out to her friend on the phone (and I said “I’m glad we closed our windows!” to Joey) and stayed outside for who knows how long.  We turned our fans up to drown her ruckus out and finally fell asleep.

But wanna know who woke up at 5:00 a.m. again this morning?

Oh that would be ME.

I did this yesterday too.  I randomly woke up and wasn’t able to fall back to sleep…Let’s just say I’m starting to get really tired.

Really t…i….r…..e……d…….