I was supposed to sing for the traditional service this morning, so Joey and I raced to church early.  I had to be there by 8:20 to practice with my pianist in the choir room.

I arrived in the choir room and was surprised to find it full of people.  My pianist was not in sight, but the choir director was.  She was a sweet, sweet lady and took a few minutes to get to know me while my pianist arrived, so I wouldn’t have to be standing there like an idiot while everyone put on their robes and suchlike.

We chatted for a few minutes, and then…it happened.

“Do you have any children?” She asked me, with a huge, broad smile.

My heart sank.  I froze.  Tears suddenly threatened to spill over my eyelids. I couldn’t think of what to say. even if I could speak around the lump in my throat.

But I didn’t want the sweet lady to realize what she had done.  I also couldn’t figure out how to respond to her question.  Technically…..YES, I HAVE CHILDREN, but no…I don’t have them.

So I took a deep breath and said, after pausing for a little bit too long, “No…no, not yet.”

“Well, you have lots of time,” the lady said with a big smile.

As if that makes me feel any better.

But she didn’t know.

It took half an hour, but I finally got myself calmed down to the point where I thought I could maybe sing without sucking.  The service had started and the congregation was singing hymns, and then all of a sudden one of the verses of the hymn we were singing was about Jesus comforting our grief and something about mothers with children, and all of a sudden I lost it again.

Only DAGNABBIT, this time I didn’t have half an hour to calm down.

I was up next.

And I was singing a song about drawing near to Jesus through the awful stuff that happens in our life.  I’ve never cried while singing before, but there’s a first time for everything.

Suddenly it was my turn, and I sneaked up to the stage during the prayer, clicked my mike on and verified that yes, it WAS on.  But the sound guy had for some reason turned my microphone off, and I wound up singing without a mike for a the entire first verse until he figured out which knob to turn. Between being worked up about the baby thing (twice) and having to bust my vocal chords to sing loud enough to be heard without a microphone, I have never sung so badly in my entire life.

In between services, a sweet little 75 year old lady came up to me and said she loved the song.  She put her hand on my arm and said that, in her life, she has really experienced what I sang about but that her trials and heartache have always drawn her closer to the Lord.  And (this is the kicker) that since I was such a young little thing, I obviously had NO CLUE what I was singing about.  But maybe someday I would.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, blinked my tears away quickly so maybe she wouldn’t see, smiled and gave her arm a pat as I  said, “thank you for sharing that with me.”

Oh, and the icing on the cake?  Right after the second service, the couple behind us leaned over and asked if I was feeling OK (I have to sit down during worship because it’s too long to stand) and if I was pregnant.  Because of course every woman who sits down during worship must be pregnant.

I nearly burst into tears RIGHT THERE IN THE SANCTUARY, but I managed to keep it together and say “No, I’m not pregnant.”

Not anymore.  Thanks so much for reminding me.

So to recap: my morning has been really stinky.

These are the lyrics to the song I tried to sing this morning.  YOU try singing this after a morning like this one.

“Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer”
Music by Keith Getty; Words by Margaret Becker
Copyright © 2002 Thankyou Music

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I’ll follow, though I’m worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart’s testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.