Psalm 86:15-17
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
Slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.
Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O Lord, have helped and comforted me.
It’s no secret that sometimes I get overwhelmed by it all. That I can’t understand why, why, why this is happening to me. That when I see irresponsible mothers with miserable-looking children I just want to scream HOW IS THIS FAIR?! Why do they get to have all these children and screw them up when all I want is a baby to nurture?
And then there’s the paradox:
The same God who created me fearfully and wonderfully…gave me a reproductive system that cannot function properly.
The same God who miraculously allowed us to get pregnant naturally once…took our miracle baby away.
The same God who provided us the way to try IVF…may allow it to fail.
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Somehow I have to figure out how to understand the “blessed be the name of the Lord” part of that verse, just in case he takes away again. Sometimes I wonder what we’ll look like on the other side of all of this. I feel like we’re too young and immature to be slugging through this stuff, ya know?
Maybe everyone in this valley feels that way, though.
That’s why I find comfort the Psalms. And that’s why I love the song Arise And Be Comforted. Neither one’s trying to tell me JENNA! It’ll be GREAT! Don’t WORRY!
They both face the fact that life gets hard. Seriously? David (the Psalmist) did not have it easy when he wrote many of his Psalms.
Even the young at heart tire and fall…but He knows them all.
(Click the “play” button below to listen to the song.)
Jenna – oh, so true. The Psalms are one of my FAVORITE books of the Bible, because the pain and joy and questions are so relateable. And yes…it’s silly to pretend all is well…when you know better that things are tough and just may get tougher. I’m with you on that – when I think of so many of my friends and family who have struggled with the hard things in life – the last thing they (or I) would want to hear is “chin up!” It’s the “It hurts, for real…pain is ok…and questions are normal” that helps us feel so not-alone. One thing I do love about the Psalms is that there is a theme of struggle and sadness and questioning, but always – at the end, where David (or whoever wrote that particular Psalm) will begin focusing on God again – and there is unexplainable joy that can be experienced…even through trial. I think that joy is ONLY something God can give…because there is NO HUMAN way possible to “feel” joy during trial…it’s ALL God and He’s ALL comfort…and He is so gracious to let us go through that process of pain that leads to joy – instead of saying “Buck up…and deal with it.” He knows our frame…that is it but dust. Praying for you, Jenna and thankful that you’re sharing your journey with us. Thanks for this post, too…very poingnant thoughts and good reminders we all could use!
Praise God!