Sometimes I feel guilty that Joey and I skipped all the other infertility treatments and jumped straight to IVF. I have friends who have struggled through this for YEARS and have had to go through all these awful things…and I won’t have to try those.

 

I guess we got a jump on things because I had to have surgery; when we were meeting with the fertility specialist she told us we could try the other, less invasive procedures first, if we wanted to.

 

But, because we know what’s wrong with me, she knew they wouldn’t increase our chances more than maybe 2%.

 

So, really…why bother.

 

And, if we didn’t have our health insurance, we wouldn’t even have the opportunity to try IVF. It would be absolutely cost-prohibitive for us. Even still, we’ll have to fork over a pretty penny (or about 140,000 of them, if we get lucky).

 

Most people our age save up for vacations. We save up for the privilege of getting to try to have kids.

 

Yesterday, while Joey and I were riding our bikes to Sur la Table to return some mini cupcake tins that had rusted after I washed them the first time (seriously? not in my kitchen…) our conversation fell to money. Insurance. How I am ridiculously expensive.

 

We added it up and, if we didn’t have health insurance, by the time this is all said and done, we’ll have racked up nearly $40k on my reproductive system. That’s…a lot.

 

And, if we had a $15,000 deductible (and we know people who do) we would have just maxed out. We could be paying several hundred dollars a month plus all of our medical bills for the privilege of maybe being able to spend less..…later.

 

Much, much later.

 

I don’t know how I feel about universal healthcare. I know I’m not cool with the prospect of being required to have health insurance just for the privilege of being alive, but I do know that paying to get your body fixed is crazy go nuts expensive.

 

And when I talked to the fertility pharmacy to ask how much my injections would cost if I had to pay out of pocket, just out of curiosity, she told me the number she quoted me was higher than the number my insurance would pay.

 

Um, WHAT? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

 

I wish it didn’t have to be that way. But I don’t know how to fix it.

 

So here I am, feeling guilty for not spending years and years going through hopeless infertility treatments, and for having the ability to do IVF without getting totally slammed by shelling out the full cost.

 

I know people get angry when things aren’t fair for them. I’ve spent a fair amount of time feeling angry about that, but when the tables are turned and things are unfair and in my favor? I feel really bad that I’m the one who gets to take advantage of the situation.

 

Jenna no can win.