Wanna know something weird? Our annoying neighbors, the ones with the feral dog that bit Joey once, seem to be having a Thanksgiving shindig at their house and they left all their windows open. As we walked past just now, we heard them singing. Now, I come from a musical family and I have nothing against large groups of people getting together and singing just for the heck of it but…but our neighbors and their friends can’t sing.
Also, they weren’t even singing any type Thanksgiving song. They were singing, all of them, the tag to some Top 40 song from last year. I can’t remember the name of it, unfortunately. And this was not just a freak thing, they are all STILL singing in there. They’re singing so loud that if I stand next to my windows that are close to their apartment, I CAN HEAR THEM.
They haven’t improved any, either. They still stink.
All this to say – Happy Thanksgiving, Internet! I hope y’all had a good day. I did. We went to Ft. Worth and hung out with like 4,000 of Joey’s relatives. I dozed during the Cowboys game and we all ate lots of food and did lots of talking. On the way back to Dallas, Pops called from Laird Central and we participated via phone in the traditional Laird Thanksgiving Circle. You know, the one where everyone goes around and says what they are thankful for from the past year. It always takes a really long time, 45 minutes minimum. (And usually we burst into song directly following. I am not joking, just ask Joey.)
What am I thankful for this year? Honestly, it was hard to come up with something at first. Doesn’t that seem ridiculous? We have all these blessings, all these wonderful opportunities, so many wonderful and supportive people…and all we get hung up on is HOW MUCH THIS SUCKS and WHY DID GOD PICK US ANYWAYS?!!
It took a concerted effort for Joey and I to come up with something that we were thankful for this year. We had to step back and look at our lives almost as if we weren’t in them. And, once we did that, we caught a glimmer of the blessings.
Sometimes, when you’re still so enmeshed in your struggle, it’s impossible to figure out what you’re learning. We’ll catch ourselves thinking, “Gosh, are we even learning anything from this?” and I think the answer is YES. We are learning. But what we’re learning we won’t get to see for awhile, not until things aren’t so fresh and we don’t feel like we’re getting salt sprinkled in our wounds daily.
But we’re getting there.
Just this week I told Joey that I felt the rawness of grief of our miscarriage was starting to subside. Of course, if I think about it for even a few minutes together you’ll find me in a mass of tissues, but I don’t feel like I’m carrying it around on my back anymore.
We’re getting there.
We realize that in the center of the hurricane that it’s easy to get self-centered. Self-absorbed. FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!! All that garbage. That doesn’t do anyone any good, not to mention it’s ugly.
So when I step back and take a look at my blessings, how am I thankful this year? Hmm.
- I’m thankful for Joey. He’s brave, he’s strong, he’s supportive. He loves me enough that he gave me my shot in the Walmart parking lot in Arlington tonight. Joey fills in my gaps, holds my hand, and I can’t imagine doing this without him. This year has taken our marriage to a completely different level of closeness, and I am starting to see it and be thankful.
- I am thankful for those of you who pray for us. So many days when I feel overwhelmed, I can’t figure out how to pray. I am thankful for you who lift us up when we have no words and don’t even know where to start. You bless us.
- I am thankful for being able to try IVF. Even when it stinks and I wonder if it’s worth it, I’m still thankful. Every shot is a blessing. I’m also thankful for our ten little follicles, our maybe-babies, which we will go see again tomorrow morning.
This year I feel like all we’re capable of being thankful for is basic stuff. We’re thankful for each other, for your support, for your prayers, for the friends that we have. It’s so basic that it almost seems trite. But, I’m learning, when things are so hard you can’t see past tomorrow, that’s when we simplify. That’s when we get back what is basic, what is absolutely necessary. When we simplify.
This year for Thanksgiving, we’re are beginning to see how we are simply thankful.
Hi Jenna! Perhaps I shouldn’t say anything, since I only know you vicariously through my brother’s family and your blog. But I wanted to say that even though you are going through an unbelievably difficult time, I think God CHOSE you to be the vessel through which He reveals His glory. It sucks on the earthly side, but I bet it’s a blessing from the heavenly side. All of us reading your blog can see Him in posts you share. I am praying for you! Keep the faith!