I’ve known since Monday that my pregnancy test today would come back negative.

I woke up at 2:00 this morning and knew for sure without a doubt that it was negative, and then I didn’t sleep a wink after that.  I’m exhausted today.

But this morning was the blood draw so we could have confirmation and quit with this “well…maybe it’s just a fluke” business.

As the nurse was drawing my blood, I mentioned my worrisome symptoms to her; she jetted out of the room and found Dr. Babyplease.  She told me that what I have been experiencing can be normal, but I knew she was just trying to make me feel better.

At 1:30, my phone rang.  And not my cell phone, like I had discussed with Nurse Babyplease.  I wanted her to call my cell so I could not answer and then go listen to her voicemail in privacy when I was ready.  But she didn’t, she got the numbers mixed up and called my landline.

So I answered.

She informed me that, yes, my test was negative.  And they were going to be sending our non-viable embryos (I guess they saved them?) to be tested.  In three weeks, we have a follow-up appointment, which I wasn’t able to schedule just then.  I don’t really even want to go.

I feel weary.  I feel like giving up.  I feel like if anyone says “oh, don’t worry, you’re young” I will punch their face off.

Being young doesn’t matter a bit if things don’t work properly.

It’s so discouraging.

Another thing Nurse Babyplease told me, after she informed me I could stop taking my Crinone and Estrace, was that due to taking those medicines, I would likely be in a lot of pain as my body was trying to figure out which end was up.  AND SHE WAS RIGHT.  My gosh, but I am uncomfortable.

So far my experience with pregnancy and attempted pregnancy has been really negative.  I wind up with a hurting heart and a hurting body no matter what.

My plans for the evening are: take a bath (a very hot bath), and buy Crest Whitestrips.

I’m not pregnant, so I can do them both without any harm.

Sucks to be me.