Last night, I got home about 5:30 and instantly set to work.  My house hadn’t been cleaned for two weeks, and somehow the recycling had tripled and was beginning to take over the dining room.  NOT MY FAVORITE.

I took a 30 minute break to eat dinner and throw some toys for Henry, but all told my house-cleaning took me just over an hour and a half.  And I even skipped scrubbing out the tub.  (Why did I even admit that on the internet?  I never should have done that.  If any of you judge me for being a scuzz, well, I guess that’s fine with me.)

Since it’s nearly Christmas, I decided to run my errands Friday evening to miss the crowds on Saturday.  Joey and I started doing our cleaning and shopping on Friday nights a couple of months ago, and so far we have LOVED it.  It makes the whole weekend so much more enjoyable because all of our work is totally done by the time we fall asleep.  Anyways.  You don’t care about our routine.  (Or maybe you do, which is why you read this blog?)

I made my short and abbreviated list, and once I looked at it I realized I didn’t really need to go out, but since I just kind of felt like it I went anyway.

The first stop was CVS to pick up my non-fertility-related prescription (what a change!) that my awesome, regular old non-fertility-related Doc called in for me. Then I returned something to OfficeMax that I bought for The Kid’s present, but it wound up not working out.  Then I went to Central Market and bought Peach Izzes, firewood, a chocolate bar, and some flowers for myself (I made it through the week, and that was reason enough for me.)  Then I went to Home Depot and got a replacement air filter because I noticed more dust than usual had collected on the furniture when I was cleaning.  Then I went to Target and spent an hour there trying on clothes, which I did not buy because I wound up not liking any of them.

I always try on clothes at Target that look cute on the hanger, but once they are on my person they look….weird.  This is probably more of a personal problem than anything else.

After a really, really long time I decided to head home.

It was about 9:30 when I carried my two reusable bags, the air filter, and the bundle of wood up the stairs.  It was quite difficult to carry all that stuff from the car; I really should have taken two trips.

I unlocked the door, put the stuff in the house, and then let Henry outside.  He was quick, which I was glad about because it was cold and I didn’t have a jacket.  We rushed up the stairs, I shut the door and double locked it from the inside, and we were in for the night.

Henry was absolutely no help at all with putting away the groceries, so he sat on the new afghan and “rested” while I worked.

I brushed my teeth with my new and amazing toothbrush, slapped on my Crest Whitestrips, and stayed up until 11:00 reading since I had to leave them on for 30 minutes.

Then…I fell asleep and slept for 10 1/2 hours.

This morning, when I opened the door to take Henry outside, I got a bit of a shock.

There, in my deadbolt lock on the outside of my door, hung my keys.

All of them.

ALL NIGHT THEY HAD BEEN THERE.

HOW AM I STILL ALIVE?!??!

The metal was cold as I gave a strangled scream (it was still early, I was trying to keep it quiet), yanked them out of the lock, and threw them in my purse where they should have been all night.  Henry just looked at me like, MOM.  I need to go outside, please get out of my way so I can go down the stairs.

Joey, get home soon.  I am obviously not safe here on my own.