I woke up this morning and felt really weird. Like…something was wrong with my face. Now I’ve done my fair share of waking up and feeling weird lately, but this was not the way I normally feel when I feel weird.
So I rolled over and sat up and BAM. Yes. Something was definitely off.
My lip felt all puffy and fat, and HOLY MOSES did my chin and part of my cheek hurt.
“Zhowey?” I mumbled. ”Thersh sumfing wrong wifff mah face.”
I stumbled to the bathroom and flipped on the light. Sure ’nuff, half of my lower lip was swollen like someone had punched me (and throbbing like it) and my jaw and chin were quite tender.
“It doesn’t look so bad,” Joey said, examining me from several sides.”
“It wooks tewible,” I slurred. ”Mah wip is faaaaaaat. And mah face huwwwwts.”
I took a shower and got ready just like normal, gingerly applying my makeup in the car. My skin was loosening up a little bit by this point, so I could talk more clearly (bonus!), but my chin still had a pulse and was throbbing. As soon as the clock hit 8:30, I called my dermatologist. They could squeeze me in about 2:00, and I told them that was just fine. I would come in whenever they told me, just so they would see me!
Finally. Finally it was 2:00. I sat in the lobby with my fat, painful face and flipped through In Style (even though I am totally not in style, but a girl can dream right?) and sighed with relief with the nurse called me back.
I gave them the medical rundown on me and she said “Huh. You did IVF? This might be causing what’s up with your face.”
I concurred.
Finally, the doctor came in.
“OH! It’s YOU!” She squealed. Not even kidding. ”We’ve been wondering all day since you called what was wrong with you. The theories were staph infection, shingles, or cold sore.”
I just looked at her with a rather surprised look, and she sat down in the chair next to me with my chart.
“IVF,” she said. ”Huh.” Then she kept reading. ”Who’s your doctor?”
“Dr. Babyplease,” I told her.
“BABYPLEASE!” She exclaimed. ”She works with BABYMAKER!”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I had fertility trouble too,” She said. ”We were about to go see Dr. Babymaker, but I managed to get pregnant.”
“‘Well, I really like Dr. Babyplease,” I said.
“She’s SO GOOD,” replied my dermatologist.
Such a weird conversation to be having while at the dermatologist due to a fat lip and swollen face. Just weird.
“Well, I’m going to culture that sore,” my dermatologist said, after taking a good look at it. ”It looks like it could be a staph infection, and you’ve seen a lot of doctors lately so it wouldn’t surprise me.”
I didn’t know you could get those from seeing doctors. DULY NOTED. I will not be seeing any more doctors.
Then she asked my IVF schedule, and I told her we were on a break. So she wrote me maaaajor antibiotic prescriptions and shoved them into my hands. ”Take those,” she said.
And she breezed out the door, telling me she would send her assistant in to culture me and – EEEK – give me an injection in my sore. A few moments later, my injector walked in the room. She swabbed me with a fat Q-Tip thingy and told me to sit back and close my eyes.
I eyed the syringe.
Like, I’m all cool with shots in the arm, and shots in the stomach (I KNOW, right? who would have thunk it), but getting a shot in my FACE? By my MOUTH? It was a little weird. I won’t lie.
“Close your eyes,” she said. ”Deep breath in, and then out through your nose.”
I obeyed.
And then….wham.
HOLY COW. It was pretty painful, but the worst part was the needle in my sore. I sat there with my eyes closed, seeing stars. The injection burned, of course, and I was really relieved when it was over. And also kind of dizzy.
In a week, I’ll get my results back from the culture. I’d be willing to be it’s not a staph infection. It’s probably just some hormone gone completely wild on my face. In any case, I’m hoping it feels better tomorrow, once I get all souped up on the antibiotics we have to go pick up tonight while we’re out grocery shopping.
Speaking of, I’d better get working. I’m supposed to be cleaning the house…
