I don’t know about you guys, but in our house we regular use this little thing called “toilet paper”. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. We usually keep plenty of it around because we like it so much it would be a shame to run out. Well, in the middle of last week in the middle of the night sometime….WE RAN OUT. Like when I say “ran out” I mean NO MORE TOILET PAPER ANYWHERE, Internets.
So the Kleenex box took quite a hit that night.
We rustled up a roll or two that was under our bed (?!?) and then we forgot to buy some on Friday when we went to the store. And because it was so utterly shocking to run out completely in the middle of the night (because who can think straight then anyways?) we made a special trip to Target today to get some.
And right before the trip to Target I decided that since I am Treat Lady for Sunday School tomorrow, I’d make the cinnamon rolls in my The Pioneer Woman Cooks cookbook that I got from my FIL#1. If I get super fat due to trying stuff in that cookbook, I’m hitting him up for the cash to buy new jeans.
(I warned you, FIL#1. I warned you. Just see if I don’t.)
So our list went from containing only toilet paper to suddenly requiring a 2 lb bag of powdered sugar, a 5 lb bag of flour, 1 lb of butter, maple flavoring, and basically a heart attack in the name of Holy Cow That Tasted Really Good.
We walked into Target and Joey grabbed one of those basket thingies. I was looking at the list and adding up the poundage we’d be buying (flour, sugar, butter) and tried to suggest gently that maybe the cart would be a better route to take, but Joey was feeling Manly. So he was all, PSSSH, I don’t need no carts Woman.
Ten minutes later when we found a lost cart stranded in the aisle by the chips, I didn’t say anything when he smoothly dumped the extremely heavy basket into it. And then we went to get the toilet paper.
We buy Cottonelle in this house because it has the cute dog on it.
I’m not ashamed of the fact that advertising works on me.
So off we puttered to the checkout lane, Joey pushing the cart and me getting distracted by colorful displays and/or who knows what. When it was time to check out, Joey responsibly put everything on the conveyor belt and swiped his Amex card while I played with the groceries we’d bought.
Then came the toilet paper.
I don’t know what came over me, I was in a really weird mood, but I decided to balance the toilet paper on my head while the checker finished our transaction. I was doing a pretty good job, and loudly announced the fact, and the cashier turned around and looked at me with a face somewhere between You Are So Annoying Shut Up And Get Out Of My Store and WOW YOU ARE COOL.
Then the 12 pack of Cottonelle slid off my head and that was the end of that.
As we walked out of the store, I put it back on my head again (I’m always practicing for my next beauty contest) and tried to walk without it falling off. It’s harder than it sounds, Internet.
“I’m doing it!” I squealed to Joey as we walked out the door. ”I’m doing it!”
Then I saw a red gummy bear on the floor and hiked my leg back and STOMPED on it with all my soul.
And the toilet paper fell off my head.
You know, looking back on it, I wonder if anyone I knew saw me walking around Target with 12 rolls of toilet paper on my head? Hmm. I’m not sure if it would have made any difference. I still think I would have done it.
Now I wish I had gummy bears to eat.
Jenna: I am trying to visualize your balancing performance, and it would be helpful if you could tell us if you were placing either the top or the bottom, one side or the other, or one rounded end or the other on your head.
Depending on the answer to the above, we will be able to assess the reasonableness of the reaction of those around you.
In any event, we are aware of your awesomeness, even without this reported performance. — Grandpa
Well, I had the 12-pack balanced on the tippy-top of my head, so I guess that’s the rounded end of my head. And the 12-pack was on bottom of the rectangle side (so the little dog was right side up). I hope this helps you.
Yes, yes…..even I figured out it was the round end of your head.
I will check the package to see the little dog to get fully oriented.
Thanks for the elucidation.
there’s no cottonelle here. what would you do? my fave is tessa. ’cause its packaging is blue. the next best is multi. it’s in an orange wrapper. yup, advertising works on me.
what on earth do you have against red gummy bears?
I have no real problem with red gummy bears, it’s just that one laying on the ground there seemed like it really needed to be squashed by my foot.
And I think I’d go with the Tessa brand. I like blue too.