A year ago when we first started IVF, I thought I knew what it meant to be selfless.  I thought I understood what it meant to be a parent.  I thought that shooting myself full of hormones and going through stressful procedures to try to get pregnant meant that I was ready.

I had no idea.

Since last Thursday, Analie has been really cranky.  She’s fussed when she hadn’t used to fuss and she just seemed like her tummy hurt her.  All weekend we had a fussy Analie, to the point where I called the doctor this morning.  They squeezed us in just an hour later, and asked us to bring some dirty diapers.

Ew.

We loaded up Analie and her diapers and off we went to the doctor, with me hoping I would not hear what I was thinking I’d probably hear: dairy allergy.  Because hadn’t I already sacrificed my poor body enough to have this child?

They tested her diapers and found hemoglobin in them.  (Translation:  her intestines are bleeding a little bit.)  She has only gained 1 1/2 ounces in the last week.  The doctor said it looks like a dairy allergy, Mama you need to go off all dairy.

All.

As in, we don’t have much food that I can eat, right down to the salad dressings in our refrigerator.

Before we had Analie, I had no idea what it meant to sacrificially love someone.  But I thought I did.  I mean, sometimes I let Joey have the last piece of chocolate or buy him something with my discretionary money.

But totally changing my life, twice!, for this little helpless person I gave birth to two weeks ago?  That’s a new kind of sacrifice, and one I really wasn’t prepared for.  For some reason I thought I’d be off the hook once she was born, but I am beginning to realize that it’s only now that I’m getting started.

Since Analie was born around Christmas, I’ve been thinking a lot more than usual this year about the sacrifice that Jesus made when he came to earth.  And even more of that of God the Father, because he was willing to send his son down here where it’s cold and snowy and sinful.

As I was sitting there in the doctor’s office, trying not to cry with selfishness because all I wanted was a piece of chocolate and a huge milkshake now that Analie’s doctor was telling me to cut out all dairy in the whole world, I thought about how much more of a sacrifice God made for me.

And he didn’t just have to give up dairy for a year.  He had to give up his Son.

THAT is sacrificial love.