I contracted some kind of deathly virus when I was visiting Iowa over the weekend.  My throat is really, really sore but since I haven’t run a fever or anything I figure it’s just something I will eventually get over.  Par-tay.  Taking care of a newborn is eleventy billion times more complicated when you’re trying not to hack/sneeze/cough on her face.

Currently Joey’s her singing a made up song about how she never lifts a hand to help around the house.  The song is totally true.

Anyway, last night I was suffering through my sore throat by pathetically laying on the couch watching Survivor when my friend Angel suggested, via text message, that I swallow a raw egg yolk.  Because of course that’s the first thing anyone ever thinks of when suggesting home remedies for sore throats, right?

Well, turns out that swallowing egg yolks is a bona fide old-timey remedy.  It’s called something gross like Gogol-Mogol and you’re basically supposed to just whip the egg yolk up, add some sugar and some brandy and toss the thing back.

After about ten minutes of going back and forth, during which time Angel offered me $1.00 to do it. So the stakes raised drastically and I decided why the heck not.  I should just eat the yolk and see what happened to me.  Who knows, maybe I would feel so much better.

I went to the kitchen and started mixing up my Gogol-Mogol mixture.  We didn’t have any brandy, so I left it out and just added sugar.  That turned the yolk into a soupy, thick mess.  In retrospect I should have put water or something in place of the brandy, because as I stared down into the dish with my yellow, oozy, and now very grainy egg yolk (from all that sugar), I started to feel queasy.

The yolk mixture was so thick I couldn’t just pound it back like I had originally been planning to.

It looked like I was going to have to use a spoon.  This was going to take more than one swallow.

“Come in here and do it so I can watch!” Joey yelled from the den.

I told him I’d better stay in the kitchen by the sink in case I threw up.  He agreed.  And then suddenly he didn’t want to watch me eat the yolk anymore.

I filled my spoon full of yolk and dumped it in my mouth.  Then I tried to force myself to swallow.  I couldn’t do it.  It wasn’t that the yolk tasted bad (it didn’t, surprisingly) it was just so….SLIMY.  And THICK.  I counted to three…and swallowed.

It went down with only a slight quivering of the gag reflex.  Because the whole time I was trying to force myself to swallow all I could think about was the fact that I was eating Essence of Baby Chicken.

I wish I could say the second spoonful went down as easily.  And it wasn’t even nearly as large as the first one, but I did find myself coughing as I swallowed.  It stayed down though.  Gotta get my dollar.

By the third spoonfull?

I was totally gagging over the sink.

It was disgusting.

And I’m sure that if I HAD thrown it up, it would have had the opposite effects of whatever  benefits the egg yolk would have had.

But, good for me, I managed to keep it down.  Angel better not renege on the dollar.  If she does, I’m showing up at her house with egg yolks.  Although for the rest of the evening whenever I thought about it I’d start gagging again.

This morning, my throat still hurts.  Pretty sure I’m not throwing back any more egg yolks for $1.00, though.

Now, if you pay me $10.00…I might consider it.